Why Every Lesbian Needs to Watch Dating Amber (2020)

A Lesbian’s Love Letter to Dating Amber (2020)

Let’s be real: most “gay” coming-of-age movies center on the boys. Cute, sure, but where’s the lesbian representation when you need it? That’s why Dating Amber (2020) felt like someone finally handed me a warm blanket and a cup of tea after years of freezing in the queer cinema desert.

Set in 1995 Ireland – yes, the same Ireland that only decriminalized homosexuality in 1993 and wouldn’t legalize same-sex marriage until 2015 – this little indie treasure follows Eddie and Amber, two closeted teens who decide to fake-date to shut everyone up. Eddie is gay, Amber is lesbian, and together they’re the chaotic besties we all wish we had in high school.

From a lesbian perspective, Amber is everything. Played by the incredible Lola Petticrew, she’s sarcastic, fearless on the outside, but quietly breaking on the inside. She dyes her hair, wears Doc Martens, listens to riot grrrl tapes, and dreams of escaping to London where she can finally live openly as a lesbian. Sound familiar? Yeah, she’s basically every baby dyke who grew up in a small town praying for the day she could catch a Ryanair flight to freedom.

What I adore most is how the film never makes Amber’s lesbian identity a punchline or a tragedy. She’s not confused, she’s not “going through a phase,” and she’s definitely not here to be anyone’s experiment. She knows exactly who she is – she’s a lesbian – and the problem isn’t her, it’s the suffocating world around her. When she finally says out loud “I’m gay” to her mum? I cried like a baby in my living room. That scene alone is worth the price of admission.

The fake-dating trope could’ve been cheesy, but writer-director David Freyne treats it with so much tenderness. Eddie and Amber’s friendship becomes this safe bubble where they can be their full queer selves for the first time. There’s a moment when they’re lying on her bedroom floor, staring at the ceiling, talking about running away together, and you realize: this is what queer platonic love looks like. It’s not romantic, but it’s deeper than most romances I’ve seen on screen.

And can we talk about the lesbian gaze in this movie? Amber kisses a girl in a club in Dublin – a real, hungry, “I’ve been waiting my whole life for this” kiss – and the camera doesn’t cut away or make it awkward. It lets us live in that moment with her. For once, a lesbian kiss isn’t filmed for the male gaze or treated like a scandal. It’s joyful. It’s hot. It’s ours.

The supporting cast is gold too. Fionn O’Shea as Eddie is heartbreakingly good – you watch him wrestle with compulsory heterosexuality in real time – but this is Amber’s movie through and through. Sharon Horgan as her mum and Barry Ward as Eddie’s dad deliver quiet, devastating performances that remind you how scary coming out was (and sometimes still is) for parents too.

Yes, there are sad moments. Yes, there’s homophobia – the kind that feels way too real if you grew up in a conservative place. But the film never drowns in misery. It’s funny, it’s warm, and by the end you’re sobbing happy tears because these two kids finally choose themselves.

If you’re a lesbian who came out in the 90s or early 2000s, this movie will hit you like a truck – in the best way. If you’re a baby gay discovering your identity right now, it’ll remind you that you’re not alone and that there’s a whole world waiting for you outside your small town.

Dating Amber isn’t perfect – the pacing drags a tiny bit in the middle, and I wanted more of Amber’s London life – but it’s one of the most authentic lesbian coming-of-age stories I’ve seen in years. It’s not about trauma porn. It’s not about “fixing” anyone. It’s about two queer kids saving each other just by existing loudly and unapologetically.

So yeah, grab some snacks, maybe a box of tissues, and watch Dating Amber. Then come back and tell me in the comments which scene made you ugly-cry. Because trust me, you will.

And to every lesbian reading this: Amber made it out. So will you.