Why Every Lesbian Needs to Watch Kajillionaire (2020)

Kajillionaire (2020): The Lesbian Love Story That Snuck Up on All of Us

Okay, let’s just say it out loud: Kajillionaire is one of the gayest straight-looking movies ever made, and I will die on this hill.

On the surface it’s this quirky indie crime-comedy about a family of small-time scammers. But the second Gina Rodriguez walks in with that big smile and those hoop earrings, every lesbian in the audience sat up straight (or stopped sitting straight, you get it). Suddenly we weren’t watching a movie about shaking down old people for cash anymore—we were watching the softest, most tenderest, most painfully relatable lesbian awakening disguised as an art-house heist flick.

Evan Rachel Wood plays Old Dolio, a 26-year-old woman who has literally never been touched with affection in her entire life. Her parents (Richard Jenkins and Debra Winger, both terrifyingly good) treat her like an employee instead of a daughter. She wears oversized suits, speaks in this low monotone, keeps her hair in that awkward ponytail like she’s never been taught how to be pretty because pretty is a luxury con artists can’t afford. She is every repressed baby gay who grew up in a house where feelings were suspicious and softness was weakness.

Then comes Melanie (Gina Rodriguez), this bubbly, confident, actually-has-a-normal-upbringing stranger who inserts herself into the family scams and immediately clocks that Old Dolio is starving for love. And I don’t mean that in a cute way. I mean starving. Touch-starved, attention-starved, “I’ve never been told I’m good” starved.

The way Melanie looks at her? Sisters, I felt that shit in my BONES.

There’s this scene in an earthquake preparedness class where they have to pair up and practice comforting each other. Melanie just pulls Old Dolio into the gentlest hug and whispers “You’re okay, baby, I got you,” and Old Dolio absolutely blue-screens. You can see her entire soul leave her body and ascend because someone is holding her like she matters. I had to pause the movie because I was crying too hard to see the screen.

And the best part? It never turns into some big dramatic “I’m gay!” speech. It’s all quiet glances, small touches, Melanie teaching Old Dolio how to moan during a fake orgasm for a scam and then looking at her afterward like she wants to hear the real thing. It’s the way Old Dolio starts dressing differently, starts smiling, starts taking up space in her own life the minute a beautiful woman shows her attention. It’s lesbianism without a label slapped on it, and honestly? That made it hit harder.

Miranda July (the director) is queer herself, and you feel that in every frame. She doesn’t exploit the gayness for shock value. She treats it with the same weird, tender, slightly off-kilter love she gives everything else in the movie. The romance feels like those relationships so many of us had in our early 20s—the ones where you don Hate that you’re falling for a girl but you’re also terrified someone will notice. The ones where you don’t have the words yet but your body already knows.

And can we talk about how insanely hot Gina Rodriguez is in this? Because holy shit. She’s giving confident bi girl who definitely has a Tumblr full of Stevie Nicks lyrics energy, and Evan Rachel Wood is serving traumatized lesbian with the emotional support bangs. Together they’re the couple you didn’t know you needed until you saw them slow-dancing in a pink-lit apartment while pretending to be a happy normal family.

Honestly, the whole movie feels like a love letter to every queer person who had to build their own idea of family after the one they were born into failed them. Old Dolio choosing Melanie over her parents isn’t just plot—it's the fantasy every gay kid has when they finally meet someone who sees them and says “You deserve more than this.”

Look, if you’re a lesbian (or bi, or queer, or just someone who cries at gentle affection) and you haven’t seen Kajillionaire yet, fix that immediately. It’s on Hulu (sometimes Netflix too, depending on your country). Put on your comfiest hoodie, make some tea, and let this weird little movie absolutely wreck you in the best way possible.

Because sometimes the loudest “I love you” is the one that’s never actually said out loud. And Kajillionaire says it perfectly.

10/10, no notes, I’m going to be rotating these two in my brain for the next five years minimum.