Why Every Lesbian Needs to Watch Appropriate Behavior (2014) Right Now

Appropriate Behavior (2014): The Lesbian Movie That Actually Gets It

Hey queens, let’s talk about the one lesbian film that feels like someone spied on my life and turned it into a movie: Appropriate Behavior (2014), written, directed, and starring the absolute goddess Desiree Akhavan.

If you’ve ever dated a girl who wore vintage menswear, quoted Judith Butler unironically, and broke up with you because you weren’t “politically queer enough” – congratulations, this is YOUR movie. Appropriate Behavior is the chaotic, hilarious, painfully relatable lesbian story we all deserved in 2014 and still desperately need in 11 years later.

Let me just say it loud for the girls in the back: this is the best lesbian breakup movie ever made. Fight me.

Desiree Akhavan plays Shirin, a Persian-American bisexual/lesbian disaster living in Brooklyn who’s freshly dumped by her super-cool, super-white girlfriend Maxine (Rebecca Henderson being annoyingly perfect). The film bounces between the present (Shirin trying to function while emotionally hemorrhaging) and flashbacks to the relationship – the passion, the fights, the incredibly awkward threesome attempts, the moment Maxine says “I just don’t think you’re comfortable with your sexuality” like I am” (girl… the AUDACITY).

What makes this movie different from every other lesbian film? It’s not tragic. Nobody dies. Nobody gets hate-crimed. Nobody ends up with a man “for simplicity.” It’s just… real lesbian life. Messy hookups on OkCupid (remember OkCupid lesbian era?), teaching little kids about feminism while secretly crying in the bathroom, hiding your girlfriend from your traditional Iranian parents because coming out feels impossible, wearing the same hoodie for three days straight after a breakup. You know, normal lesbian behavior.

And god, the representation. Finally a lesbian movie where the lead is brown, bisexual (but mostly into women), and her queerness isn’t the tragedy – her inability to be honest with herself and her family is. Shirin tries so hard to be the “perfect modern lesbian” – she learns to strap, joins a queer film collective, dates hipster girls who collect taxidermy – but she’s still deeply embarrassed about her desires. That scene where she’s in the sex shop trying to buy a dildo and can’t even say the word “strap-on” out loud? I felt my soul leave my body. Every lesbian has been there.

The humor is brutal in the best way only queer women can do it. When Shirin’s trying to have a threesome with that unbearably pretentious couple and just… can’t? When she’s at the lesbian bar trying to look cool but clearly dying inside? When her mom keeps setting her up with “nice Persian boys” and she has to pretend to be straight? I was wheezing. This movie came out the same year as The Fault in Our Stars and somehow Appropriate Behavior hurt me more while making me laugh harder.

Also let’s talk about how insanely hot the sex scenes are while still being awkward as hell. None of that soft-focus, straight-male-gaze nonsense you get in most “lesbian” films. These are real lesbian sex scenes – passionate but clumsy, sexy but funny, with actual body hair and realistic sounds. The scene where Maxine goes down on Shirin in the bathroom at a party? Revolutionary. We deserve more of this energy.

Ten years later, we’re still starving for good lesbian movies. We get one Blue is the Warmest Color every decade and then nothing but tragedies or porn for straight men. Appropriate Behavior is the antidote. It’s proof that lesbian stories can be funny, sexy, complex, and culturally specific without being miserable.

If you’re a baby lesbian trying to figure your shit out – watch this.

If you’re a bitter 30-something lesbian who’s been through too many U-Haul breakups – watch this.

If you’re a Persian lesbian terrified of coming out – watch this and cry with recognition.

If you just want to see a movie where the lesbian doesn’t die or end up straight – FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WATCH THIS.

Appropriate Behavior is messy, horny, hilarious, heartbreaking, and so deeply lesbian it makes my gay little heart explode. Desiree Akhavan didn’t just make a movie – she made a time capsule of what it felt like to be a certain kind of queer woman in the 2010s.

Stream it wherever you can find it (it’s criminal how hard it is to watch legally), grab your favorite lesbian friends, pour some wine, and prepare to scream “SAME” every five minutes.

This is the lesbian movie we’ve been begging for. Don’t sleep on it again.

Rating: 10/10 – would let Shirin ruin my life.