The Ultimatum: Queer Love – The Lesbian Chaos We All Needed in 2023 (And Still Do)
Hey queens, it’s your favorite unhinged lesbian blogger back at it again. If you’re a lesbian who spends half her life on TikTok crying over edits of Mal and Yoly, congratulations — you’re exactly like me. The Ultimatum: Queer Love (2023) hit Netflix like a glitter bomb full of drama, tears, and the kind of lesbian tension that makes you text your group chat at 3 a.m. saying “I can’t breathe.”
Let’s be real: we’ve all watched too many straight seasons of this show and screamed “where are the lesbians?!” at?!” Season 2 said “bet” and gave us five sapphic couples ready to either get engaged or blow everything up. And honey, they chose violence.
As a lesbian who has been in more “so are we getting married or breaking up?” talks than I care to admit, this show felt like someone reached into my group chat and turned it into a whole reality series. The fact that it’s literally called “Queer Love” but 95% of the internet just calls it “the lesbian ultimatum” says everything. We claimed it. It’s ours. Straight people can stay in the background like the trial partners.
Let’s break down the lesbian royalty (and villains) we got:
Vanessa & Xander – The couple everyone thought was endgame but turned out to be the biggest plot twist since Xander came out as trans masc mid-show. Vanessa was out here giving needy girlfriend energy on steroids, and I felt that in my soul. The way she fell head over heels for Rae in like 0.5 seconds? Classic lesbian U-Haul behavior.
Lexi & Rae – Oh Lexi. Sweet, chaotic, pregnant-during-filming Lexi. The lesbian community is still divided: was she manipulative or just deeply insecure? I’m team “she was both.” Rae deserved so much better than being someone’s second choice, but the way Lexi kept saying “I’m doing this for us” while actively choosing someone else? Peak lesbian self-sabotage.
Mal & Yoly – I’m writing this through tears. These two were THAT couple. The ones you root for so hard it hurts. Yoly giving Mal the ultimatum, then falling hard for Xander on the trial marriage? I have never recovered. The reunion when Mal said “I would’ve married you that day” while Yoly was sitting there with Xander? I had to pause and scream into a pillow. Lesbian pain has never been this cinematic.
Tiff & Sam – The only couple that actually got engaged and stayed together (as far as we know). Sam was giving cool, calm, masc-of-few-words energy while Tiff was full golden retriever. Their chemistry was the one thing that felt safe in this absolute dumpster fire of emotions.
Aussie & Mildred – Toxic. Iconic. Unhinged. The lesbian couple that made everyone say “this is why we can’t have nice things.” Aussie was out here trying to be the chill one while Mildred was serving red-flag parade. The fight in the kitchen lives rent-free in every lesbian’s head.
The best part? The trial marriages. Watching these lesbians move in with someone new after three weeks and act shocked when feelings develop? Babe, we fall in love in the produce aisle at Whole Foods. Three weeks is basically a lesbian marriage.
And can we talk about how revolutionary it was to see so many different types of lesbians and queer women on screen? Butch, femme, non-binary, trans, Black, Latina, Asian — we actually got variety instead of the usual five skinny white Instagram lesbians. Lexi’s pregnancy, Xander’s transition journey, the way they handled queer-specific issues like coming out to family, biological kids, etc. — it felt real.
Yes, it was messy. Yes, almost everyone ended up heartbroken. Yes, Mildred and Aussie made us all look bad. But that’s lesbian dating in 2023 (and 2024, and 2025, let’s be honest).
Two years later and I still see TikToks with Yoly and Mal’s reunion scene set to “I Remember Everything” by Zach Bryan. We are a traumatized community and we are thriving.
If you haven’t watched it yet, what are you even doing with your life? Go binge it right now. And if you have watched it, drop your most unhinged take in the comments — did Yoly fumble the bag? Is Lexi the villain? Are we all just Vanessa?
Because at the end of the day, The Ultimatum: Queer Love wasn’t just a dating show. It was a mirror. A chaotic, glitter-covered, crying-in-the-club-at-2am mirror that showed us exactly how dramatic, passionate, messy, and deeply loving lesbian relationships can be.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Forever screaming about these lesbians,
Your favorite disaster lesbian blogger ♡
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